Senator McCain,

Thank you for your service to our country. Some make the ultimate sacrifice, and they get the glory on holidays. You made the penultimate sacrifice, and had to settle for a career, scads of cash, glory, perks, self-congratulations and survival. I admit, though, I wouldn't ask ANYBODY to suffer what you have suffered at any cost or for any amount of glory.

Senator is a title worthy of a soldier who suffered so, so long as he serves his constituents. Arizona elects you over and over, so I assume you take care of them. Thank you for that as well. The Keating 5 thing, don't worry about it. Senators all get a little sullied as time goes on. And time has gone on and on and on. It's truly a hazard of the trade. Forget about it.

But the White House is not a retirement community for war victims or good senators. At one point we could have tried your ideas, and would have, except that your buddy executed the most vicious push poll in the history of mankind, slit your throat in South Carolina, siezed momentum which was properly your own and stole the job. That was tragic. Further unfortunate, he proved that your mutual ideas were essentially flawed by executing them and badly damaging the country for which you suffered so nobly. Your timing in trying to serve us all has been tragic, and I truly feel bad that the greater glory always went elsewhere. Maybe the fact that W took the egg in the face for the ideas you would have been responsible for is the justice worthy of a man who has already suffered too much in service.

Perhaps in the waning days of your valiant campaign, you can demonstrate the difference between your foreign policy or economic plan which subtantially differs from what has led this great country here, and the voters will reward you with a victory at last. I suspect there is no difference and thus should not get the job. If there is a difference and you can sell it to us, perhaps there is time for a change of heart. If you run out of time, then the tactical error was your own; there is no place to place the blame. Otherwise, I hope you minimally address your co-applicant with the respect he is due.

The consolation prize is that it would be the crappiest possible time to "win" the job. The upstart senator has proven nothing to us and may not be up to the job. We're so desparate for change, we will tell you we don't know and vote for him anyway. You can enjoy some Scotch or Percaset or both with your gorgeous wife, laugh a little, write a book about what could have been, continue to be a senator, whatever. I'm glad you are well compensated and set in life.

And I truly hope your opponent will be a pleasant surprise to you, and he will serve you, and us all, wisely and properly. I hope you do not shame yourself with disgraceful, unwarranted attacks. Peace be with you, and may the rest of your life. May your country try to serve you in return for your pain.

Sincerely,
The Other One